If You Cherish Me Read online

  “I’m not. I printed these off as proof the day he ran off. I busted him digging through the computer in your office, and that’s when I saw what he was doing. When I confronted him, I told him what he was doing was not only illegal but wrong to you. That I was going to tell. That’s when he took off in your truck.”

  “You’re the one who reported it stolen.” Felicia wanted to yell and tell Lacey to leave her home and never return, but she couldn’t. She needed to know more. To prove she was wrong, that Declan would never do such a thing.

  “That’s why I left. I knew you’d believe him over me, but not before I printed these off and had time to really study them. I even took them to a forensic accountant my mother knows. He confirmed what I suspected. Declan’s been taking money from the nursery.”

  Lacey’s words swept Felicia’s knees out from under her, and she fell into the chair. There was no way any of this was real. It couldn’t be. The mere idea of it was torture. “No. It’s not true.”

  Lacey dug through the papers and withdrew a letter. “I knew you wouldn’t believe me. You never believe me,” she blubbered and tossed the paper at Felicia. “That’s why I had the accountant write this letter. See here, it states that the money has been taken and there is no accounting for it. All of it has been since Declan arrived here. He used you to get to your money, and now he’s probably off somewhere enjoying it.”

  “No, you’re wrong.”

  “Then where is he? Where’s your truck?”

  “He’s at a job interview. I told him to use the truck. He’ll be back any minute.”

  Lacey’s gaze shot to the door. “Believe what you will. I mean, he’ll probably spin this to make himself the good guy. He’ll probably say he invested it for you or it wasn’t him. It was me. Yeah, that’s what he’ll do. He’ll accuse me of being the thief. Who will you believe then? A person you’ve known for years, or an ex-con you met a few months ago?”

  Lacey didn’t give Felicia a chance to respond before she tore out of the house, leaving Felicia gripping the letter in her hands. Hours and hours she sat staring at the letter as the moon rose into the sky. Not because she was looking for Declan’s guilt but for the proof he was innocent. She knew he was innocent, but she knew she'd need to find the proof for others like the sheriff and Davey.

  By midnight, she had looked through all the documents, but she wasn’t good with the books. She’d never been great at math, but they looked like what Lacey had said.

  Lights flooded through the front window, and the old clock on the wall struck two, as if announcing Declan’s return. She froze. She’d waited most of the night to speak to him, and now she couldn’t think of anything to say. Lacey was right about one thing. Even if a Supreme Court judge gave her these papers, she wouldn’t believe them. If she didn't know Declan like she did and have the feelings she did, she would likely see them the same way.

  Twenty-Four

  Declan put the truck in park and stretched the kinks of the long day from his neck and back. He hadn’t anticipated it taking all day, but the interview had been productive. James had been nothing but kind, and the man wasn’t capable of judgement. He hopped out of the truck with a spring in his step, longing to tell Felicia everything, to declare their relationship official, that he’d have a real job, with benefits and income.

  A light shone through the front window from the kitchen. Had Felicia waited up for him? A rush of adrenaline filled every nerve ending in his body, so he bolted into the house without even knocking, ready to share the life-altering news.

  Felicia sat at the table with a frown, downcast gaze telling him something was wrong. A hundred horrific images of Nana suffering another stroke, the front crop flooded, the business going under all flashed in two blinks.

  He raced to her side. “What is it?”

  She turned her head and looked at him with a distant gaze, as if she didn’t see him.

  “You okay? What happened?” He clutched her arms and turned her to face him. “You’re scaring me. Please, tell me.” When he didn’t get a response, he searched the area for answers. He raced to Nana’s room, finding her snoring and well. When he returned, Felicia still sat mute at the table. He knelt by her side and took both her hands in his, placing her palm to his chest. “My heart is beating like a wild bronco. What’s wrong? Tell me. You can tell me anything.”

  “Embezzlement,” she breathed more than spoke the one life-altering word.

  He fell back onto his heels. “What are you talking about?”

  “That’s what this letter says.” She slid her hand free from his and passed him a piece of paper on formal letterhead from some firm he’d never heard of.

  “What’s this?” He scanned the words on the paper, accusing someone of stealing money from the nursery. She knew. She’d found out about what Lacey had been doing. He tossed the paper to the side and pulled her into his arms. “I’m so sorry, my dear, sweet Felicia. I’m so sorry.”

  Her eyes shot wide. “No, it’s not true. It can’t be.”

  “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I know I should have, but I didn’t know how. I’ve fallen for you, and I didn’t want to hurt you.”

  “You didn’t want to hurt me?” Felicia shouted. Her words came out like a strangled cry.

  “No. I’d never want to hurt you. I…I love you.”

  “Love me?” Felicia grabbed his shirt with an iron grip. “No, you could never steal from me. Tell me it’s not true.”

  “What?” Fire burned his skin, searing up his spine to the back of his neck. “It wasn’t me. I didn’t steal from you. I discovered what Lacey was doing, and I confronted her. Did she tell you I was the one stealing?” He attempted to pull her hands free and take her into his arms, but he couldn’t unfurl her fingers without worrying about hurting her.

  Her hands released him and slipped to her lap. “She said you’d say that.” Felicia chuckled, but tears streamed down her face. “Lacey said that’s why she went to a forensic accountant.” She swiped the tears from her cheeks. “I didn’t believe her. The Declan Mills I know wouldn’t do such a thing.”

  “You’re right, I wouldn’t.” He stood and paced around the table, one word echoing in his head. “You said you didn’t believe her. As if you do now.”

  “No, of course not.”

  Her voice didn’t convince him. “But?”

  “No buts.”

  “You don’t believe me now.”

  “It’s not that. It’s just that I know a man who says he has a mother in a facility in Riverbend, yet I’ve never met her. Why? Because you’ve never taken me to meet her.”

  He shook his head, willing her to understand. “She only agreed to see me that one time. She won’t see me again. I didn’t want to put you through going and feeling the rejection that I feel every time I try to visit her.”

  She looked up at him with bloodshot eyes. “Don’t you see, it isn’t about innocence or guilt. It’s about trust. When you took so long to return, I worried you were keeping some other plan to make your life better a secret from me. I believe in you and trust that you wouldn’t steal from me, but you’ve never trusted me with the whole truth about anything.”

  He wanted to make her see all he’d done was for her. “I did go for a job interview. I’m late because the bridge at the river was flooded and I couldn’t get through. I had to drive fifty miles out of the way to get home. Two detours more, and I’m finally here. I did all that to be here with you.”

  “Yes, you’re here now and you declare your love, yet you still keep your distance from me. Do you see how messed up this is? Felicia stood and circled the small living room. “When do you start trusting me with the truth and stop running from us?”

  Declan didn’t try to catch her or touch her the way his body craved. In that moment, he realized how all this had to look to Felicia. “That’s what this is about. You feel rejected.”

  “Rejected?” Felicia lifted her chin. “No, I feel confused, lost, tired.”
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  His heart sank to his gut. “I knew this would happen. I see it in your eyes. The doubt.”

  “I told you, this isn’t about guilt or innocence. It’s about you letting me in. Telling me everything, trusting me with your truth.”

  He shook his head. “No, I see it in your eyes. You might not believe Lacey, but you don’t believe me either. If you won’t admit it to me, admit it to yourself. Why did I think there could be a future for me here, with you? I’ve been lying to myself. There’s no way any woman could ever believe a man with a history like mine.” He stepped toward the door. His insides shredded with the realization that he’d lost her to his past, like he’d lost everything else. Enough. He wouldn’t continue to let everything be taken from him. He wouldn’t lose his freedom this time. “I’m not taking the fall this time, though. I’ll prove my innocence. I’m just sorry that I had my hopes up about everything between us. I was excited tonight to return and tell you that I got the job.”

  A sound, almost like a whimper, came from Felicia, but he ignored it. He needed to be strong. This time, he wouldn’t allow himself to believe in miracles and happily ever afters. He needed to take care of himself and make sure he stayed out of jail. But one glance at the woman only feet from him, and he knew he’d never be able to allow another woman into his life. She was it. His everything, and she was lost to him.

  “Go ahead and run. It’s what you do best. Putting distance between us.”

  Declan stopped dead at the door and faced Felicia one last time. “I won’t run. I wouldn’t put you through that. All I’m going to say is that I’m innocent. I have no proof yet. But I am innocent. I’m warning you now, though. I won’t take the fall for someone else again. I will not stop until Lacey is arrested and tried for a crime she tried to pin on me.” He bolted out the front door. His stomach roiled and protested the fast food he’d consumed on the way home trying to hurry back to Felicia.

  With heavy steps, he stumbled into the camper and sank onto his bed.

  His hands shook.

  His mind shook.

  His heart shook.

  Shook with the realization that the woman he loved said she believed him, but she was still letting the accusations against him make her feelings waver. That the one person he thought would never see him as a criminal had just let one piece of paper change the foundation of their relationship.

  Stella’s father had been right about one thing when he’d dragged him into Sugar Maple searching for his daughter. No one would ever really believe an ex-con.

  Twenty-Five

  Felicia didn’t bother going to bed. She spent the night tossing and turning on the couch. When Nana woke, Felicia rose and fixed breakfast in a fog.

  “Dear Lord in heaven, what’s wrong with you child?” Nana asked, settling into her seat at the kitchen table.

  The rain continued at a ferocious downpour, and she tried to think about the plants, but she couldn’t. Her mind could only focus on Declan, Lacey, and the accusations between them.

  “What’s this?” Nana picked up one of the accusatory documents Lacey had provided.

  Felicia broke an egg into the frying pan too forcefully, sending yolk down the side. She grabbed a paper towel and caught the runny yellow before it hit the stovetop. “It’s documentation that states Declan stole money from the nursery.”

  “Hogwash.” Nana tossed the paper down. “Who filled your head with such nonsense?”

  Felicia stirred the eggs into a runny, unappetizing mess. She didn’t want to talk about it, but she knew Nana wouldn’t rest until she had more information. “Lacey.”

  “You going to listen to a using half-wit addicted to a bad man, or Declan, the one who’s been busting his butt to help you these last couple of months?”

  “Nana, it’s there. In front of you. Who wouldn’t believe it?” She sighed. “But no, I don’t believe it. I don’t know what’s going on, but I know he wouldn’t steal from us. Yet, he’s not the man I thought he was. I made him into a man that would be an answer to all my prayers. A gift to me and you. A lie covered in hope.”

  “Hogwash.”

  “Stop saying that. You don’t understand. I told him I didn’t believe it, but he ran off anyway. That’s all Declan knows how to do. He lets me in and then pushes me away over and over again, and I’m tired of it.”

  Nana beat her cane against the floor twice. “This isn’t evidence. It’s a tool to drive that man out of town, and you’re letting it work. That girl’s been threatened by Declan since he arrived. You put him in her job and set them against each other from day one. She has no home and is mixed up with all sorts of crazy. Don’t let her destroy what you have with Declan.”

  “What do I really have with him? A man who turns me around, upside down, and inside out all the time?”

  “That’s love, you fool,” Nana growled.

  Felicia slid the eggs onto a plate, grabbed a fork, and placed it in front of Nana.

  “You better put on your raincoat and go to the front field right now.” Nana huffed and pushed from the chair.

  The smell of eggs stirred Felicia’s nausea, so she didn’t bother making any more. “Why would I do that?”

  Nana used her cane to reach the wall before she turned to face her. “Because you just confirmed Declan’s worst fear in life. That no one will ever believe him again.”

  “I told him I believed him, but he left anyway.”

  “Are you surprised? I mean, think about it. How many times would it have to happen of people turning their back on you, calling you names, judging you until it would take more than words to convince you otherwise? Would you open your heart completely to someone if you thought they’d only turn their back on you? His own mother turned away from him. Why would you stay at the first sign of trouble?”

  Felicia closed her eyes and thought back over all the times he’d shown how much he cared, only to pull away. She hadn’t chased him because she thought he’d needed space. In retrospect, had that been the wrong decision? “What do I do to make him trust me, then?”

  “You can start by going after him. He’s been up at that front field since before daybreak, digging a trench to save your plants. The man’s always looking out for you and me. It’s not an act. He cares and doesn’t want to hurt you. Even if you hurt him.”

  Deep down, Felicia believed that. Not for one second had she really believed he could steal from her, but she had hesitated when he’d asked her. She’d been protecting her own heart. “What if he decides to leave anyway? He’s got a job opportunity and a future away from here.”

  “You think a job would take him from you?”

  Felicia shrugged. “I never thought my parents would leave, and they did.”

  “Honey, that man is nothing like your parents. He’s here to stay. Your father gave up the fight for respect in this town for greener pastures. A life beyond his humble beginnings. That man out there is far stronger than your parents ever were.” Nana hobbled a few more steps and stopped. “By the way, Declan came to me for advice a week ago. He tried to play off a hypothetical, but I deduced that he’d confronted Lacey about taking money. When I interrogated him, he caved and told me that a message had popped up on the computer in the office when he was filling out job applications. It was a stream of messages about taking money from you. When Declan confronted her, she vowed she’d take him down and that no one would believe him over her. I guess she was right.”

  “See?” Felicia threw up her hands in exasperation. “That’s the problem. He trusted you with that information, not me.”

  Nana pushed from the wall and hobbled toward her room. “Maybe you should both stop protecting your hearts and open up to each other. You’ve always been a good negotiator. Go negotiate. That’s one of the things Declan loves about you. That, and you’re hot, apparently.” She moved her cane ahead and took two steps. “Go make nice with that man, or you’re going to starve me to death. Petunia wouldn’t eat that slop you cooked.”

 
Felicia eyed the downpour outside, certain Declan wasn’t out in it. Then she sighed. Of course he was. The man had done anything and everything to help her since he’d arrived. What a fool she’d been. If she wanted Declan to open up to her, she needed to pry that door ajar.

  Felicia grabbed her raincoat and opened the front door to a heavy wind sweeping through the front fields. The water was pouring from the sky so thick she couldn’t see twenty feet ahead. She snugged her hood over her head, cinched the collar around her neck, and then, hoping Nana was wrong, raced for the trailer. A streak of lightning lit the sky, and a rumble of thunder shook the ground beneath her. She pounded on the camper door. “Declan, please let me inside!”

  Nothing, not even a shadow appeared through the window. Nana had been right. He was out in this weather, working to save her plants with no regard to his safety. She trudged through the soggy grass, into a muddy swamp, before reaching the gravel drive. A figure loomed in the distance, hunched over. She quickened her pace, the rocks cutting into her sock-covered feet. She’d been in such a rush, she’d forgotten her shoes. “Declan! Declan!”

  The storm blew leaves from the bent-over trees, bowing to the furious wind. She reached the edge of the field, and it was him. Declan, shoveling mud over his shoulder into the ditch outside the fence.

  “What are you doing? It’s too dangerous to be out here.”

  He didn’t say anything or even look at her. Instead, he continued to work, taking chunks of earth and flinging it behind him.

  “I know you must be mad at me. I’m mad at me. You’re innocent. It doesn’t matter what those papers say.”

  He impaled the mud with the shovel and flung his hair back to show his piercing eyes in the darkness. “You may think you believe me, but I saw it, your hesitation. And you had every right to doubt me. I’m a man who’s on probation. You deserve better than that.”

  “Stop. Just stop pushing me away. Yes, I hesitated, not because I believed Lacey but because I’ve been scared, and it was easier to push you away than to keep having you play with my emotions.” She stepped forward, her feet slurping with each step. “Give me a chance and open your heart to me. You’ve done so much for me since you’ve arrived, more than any person has ever done, next to my grandmother, and I blew it. I should’ve taken a chance and forced you to see how much you mean to me instead of protecting myself from rejection. There’s nothing I can do about your record from before, but I can prove your innocence this time. I promise to clear your name and prove you weren’t the one who stole money from the nursery. I’ll even send Lacey to jail. Please, tell me what I can do to make this right between us. Tell me what I can do to prove how I feel about you. How I trust you. How I love you.”